Amaretto Chocolate No-bake Cheesecake

So in addition to being a cynical asshole, I also bake occasionally, mostly so that I can maintain normal interpersonal relationships or more than likely, repair them. If you ever need to do the same, I highly suggest bringing this dessert with you. These relationships may be shallow and ultimately unfulfilling (being entirely based on food dependence), but in case your overbearing mother or therapist wants you to at least produce proof for the sake of appearances that you are capable of reciprocal human interaction, this should at least get you in the door.  (Please excuse my crude photos as well as not documenting every step with a photo and some insipid anecdote where I think I'm being funny, but it secretly makes you want to murder me having to scroll through all that shit to find the actual ingredients and instructions.)

Amaretto Chocolate No-bake Cheesecake

Filling:

1 tsp vegetable oil (cooking spray works fine)
1 bag of Oreos
6 Tbsp butter, melted
12 oz semi-sweet chocolate morsels
12 oz milk chocolate morsels
⅓ cup granulated sugar
2 cups (2 – 8oz packages) cream cheese, at room temperature
2 cups heavy whipping cream
6 Tbsp amaretto liqueur (I used Disaronno, and in case you're curious and don't have it on hand because you have found something else to cope with your life other than copious amounts alcohol, 6 Tbsp is 1 full mini bottle and 1 Tbsp from a second mini bottle)


Topping:

1 cup chopped hazelnuts
1 cup chopped pecans
2/3 cup mini chocolate chips

Kitchen gadgets needed:

Electric mixer with beater attachment (I used a Kitchen Aid stand mixer)
Several mixing bowls (This recipe has a few steps that require separating ingredients... I think I used 4 total. And I used Pyrex for my double boiler.)
Rubber spatulas (I think I used a couple of these too. I like to make a huge mess.)
Rolling pin
Gallon-size freezer bag
Spring-form pan
Parchment paper
Scissors/pen (to trace the bottom of the spring form pan and to cut out the circle)
Sauce pan/water for double boiler

Directions:

Place a circle of parchment paper cut to fit an 10 inch round spring-form cake pan in the bottom of the pan. Brush the sides of the spring-form pan with the oil or spray with cooking spray.

Place the Oreos in a plastic bag and crush them with a rolling pin or your hand until in small bits. You can also use a food processor, just don't ground them into dust.

Place the crushed cookies in a bowl and add in the melted butter and stir until well mixed. Press the cookie-butter mixture into the bottom of the parchment lined cake pan. Place the pan in refrigerator to chill for 1 hour.

Melt the chocolate morsels in a double boiler (do not microwave). (If you don't know what a double boiler is, Google it, and you may want to think about just purchasing desserts at your local grocery store. You're awarded no points and may god have mercy on your soul.) Stir it every few minutes. Remove bowl from heat and allow it to cool to room temp.

While chocolate cools, whip the heavy whipping cream in a separate mixing bowl with an electric mixer until firm peaks form. Keep cold and set aside.

In another bowl add the sugar and cream cheese and beat until smooth, about 3 minutes. Fold in the cooled chocolate and prepared whipped cream into the cream cheese mixture and then stir in the liqueur (you have to add it here or it will curdle the rest of the ingredients). It’s important to combine by folding first, but I had to put mine back in the electric stand mixer on high with the beater attachment to get it to combine smoothly (the finished product was fine as long as you whip it so the whipped cream doesn’t deflate).

Spoon the chocolate mixture into the spring-form cake pan that contains the cookie layer. Smooth the surface. Sprinkle topping over cheesecake. Cover loosely with plastic wrap and place it in the refrigerator to chill for at least 2 hours or overnight is best.

 Best of luck :)